One Word

One may say what is in a word? I say everything is in a word.  How can the one word "Cancer" have no meaning?  How can one life and the lives around them be forever changed because of one word-Cancer.  One never knows what they take for granted until that one day everything changes.  When the benign microcalcification in the breast tissue is suddenly found to be the cause of a persistent cough.  When that benign calcification is now breast cancer that has spread to the lungs.  When knowledge of HER2 positive cancer cells that have ravaged the body.  Life forever changes once again with the few words of multiple brain lesions and liver spots and a sliver on the femur.  To one in the medical profession that sums it up as stage 4 cancer-a primary with multiple metastasis and a poor prognosis.  To those living with now booming words of “bad cancer” pounding in their minds it means a hard road ahead but a positive outcome.  How is that those that give the diagnoses can continue to live ordinary lives while the lives of those with these who hear The Words are suddenly torn apart and are in shambles?  To be there when one you love hears those few words, “you have stage 4 breast cancer; there is no cure.” That is the worst possible day imaginable.  To know the truth to read the truth and then to hear the truth is the worst possible day.  To know that one who has helped shape your life will be in the mercies of others care for basic activities of daily living.  The once strong and independent person now relying on others for basic life necessities such as medication and food.  How can one sit by and from a distance watch a loved one slowly slip away?  The day in a day out of life with one becoming weaker and weaker and becoming more dependent than they were independent can hardly be bearable.  What is the choice?  To be distant and be shocked by the decline or to witness the decline with every breath and movement of every day. 

The necessity of family during these times is discovered.  How people come together during the hard times is remarkable.  The core of a person is seen in the hard times and how much one is dependent on others is reveled.   It is the hard times that shape a person and define them.

My step-mom has a new diagnosis of stage 4 cancer and these are a few of my thoughts.  I am not a good writer but what I feel comes out on paper.  It may appear as chicken scratch, but feeling are expressed and thoughts reveled.  It is the balm on the open jagged tears on my heart.