Back to the new normal

I'm back in Pittsburg.  There are so many thoughts going on in my head.  There is not a day or even an hour for that matter that I am not thinking of Melody and wondering how she is doing.  I know my dad is taking care of her and she has a support group of friends and family but it is still hard being so far away.  Work has been hard.  My first day back I took care of a patient with an all too similar diagnosis and prognosis as Melody.  I only cried once and that was when the oncologist told the daughter that her 64 year old dad only had a couple months to live due to his brain cancer.  Having to re-live such a heart-wrenching day was exhausting.  I did not know how to handle myself.  I knew I had to be strong for my patient and his family during this time yet be there to comfort them.  I failed on that.  I do not know how to be strong without being emotionally distant with such a parallel situation to my own.  The next day I talked with my boss and she was astounded that I took care of the patient and told me that I could ask to switch teams during this time if I am placed in a similar situation.  I am very thankful because I think my patients deserve a nurse who can be more prepared than I to care for them emotionally.  Back on the subject of Ohio.  I still text or call Melody or my dad every day to see how they are doing and to see if Melody took her medications.  Melody seems to be staying strong at this time and she has every day taken her medication without me prompting her. :)  They call me Nurse Ratchet from "One Flew over the Coo Coo Nest."  Now that I have seen the movie I love the nickname.  I also told Melody that she has to behave because I learned a little from Nurse Ratchet and to watch out.  For some reason she just looked at me and smiled, she did not know that I was serious!

I know that I would not be able to make it without the amazing support that I have from both friends and family.  My ultimate strength is found from the One above who is right here with me.  A song just came on that says "I am running, running after You.  You've become my soul's delight.  Here with You I find my life."  I find my life and strength in God and I am running more after Him during this time. It is the hard times that our roots grow deeper.  My roots are going deeper and my family ties are growing deeper.